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*wakes up a second before the alarm and silences it*
*crawls out of bed, puts on the kettle, and starts running the bath*
*grinds the coffee, holding a pillow over it so as not to disturb Ianto too much*
*brews the coffee, turns off the bath and puts the coffee there*
*crawls into bed*
*softly*
Good morning, Master... will you fuck me, please?

*looks up from the mail*

Sweetie? Why does the life insurance company keep sending us reminders to update your policy?

Must be a glitch in the system.

*tosses them*

*washes the dishes*
*glances over at the door to the basement*
*finishes the dishes, then takes all the dishes out of the cupboards, washes the shelves, dusts the clean dishes and puts everything away*

*stands in the middle of the kitchen for a second*
*opens the cupboards again and organizes all the dishes alphabetically by color*

*goes upstairs to make the beds*
*trips over one of her marabou heels while she's straightening the covers on the master bed*
*looks at it*

*goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing the floor furiously with a toothbrush*

*gets all the ornaments out and checks on dinner*
*goes to the foot of the stairs and looks up at the master bedroom*
*goes to find Reinette instead*

Ianto,

I'm writing this to you because, really, everything in this journal is written for you and it's time I acknowledged it.

You've done so well at keeping me busy and thinking of you, and Reinette's been such a help and such good company that I've barely had time to think of anything except taking care of you and the kids. The corset I put on every morning feels like you're holding me every minute of the day, and it's comforted me when you've been too ill or tired.

But today I went into the basement to maintain the equipment. It was the first time I've been down there since you and I and Jack were there. I looked around and thought of our history, about the way you and I have interacted from the very beginning, how from the very first time I saw you I wanted to submit to you, to belong to you and put myself in your hands, and how that's been the governing force of our interactions ever since.

I've had to consciously change those feelings lately as they come up, to keep from getting frustrated, to be more decisive, more independent, to take care of my needs and insecurities myself, to serve you in a different way. Please don't think I somehow blame you or resent you for this. It's just the way things have to be and I have accepted that. It wasn't till I went down to the basement that I started to miss the way we used to be.

It suddenly felt like something was ending. I don't know how it's going to be when you're well, but I don't think it will be quite the same as before. Maybe it will be better, maybe worse, but it will never be the same. And it made me sad for a bit.

When I locked the door, I had an overwhelming urge to throw the key out the window.

I'll show this to Reinette, don't worry. But I don't exactly know what I need. I don't know whether I need anything from her.

It's just hard. It's hard to change my thinking, it's hard to live with uncertainty, it's hard to see you sick and weak. It's going to get to me sometimes, and that's just the way it is. I will accept it just as I accept all the wonderful things you've brought into my life, and all the wonderful things that eventually must come to an end. At least we enjoyed them to the fullest while they lasted.

*gives Claire her eleven o'clock feed and stumbles back to bed, trying to ignore the crying*
*pulls a a pillow over her head and tries to sleep*

*at the door of the bedroom, holding Claire in her arms and Daf's hand*
Sir? You have a visitor.

*nurses Claire, singing quietly*

Gently, little boat
Across the ocean float
The crystal waves dividing,
The sun in the west
Is going to rest;
Glide, glide, glide,
Towards the islands of the blest.

*finishes the song and puts her in her crib*
*watches her sleep for a minute*

*goes to her room and gets her stuffed rabbit out of the armoire*
*gives it a heartfelt kiss and snuggle, then tucks it in beside Claire*

*goes to her office and pulls down her Rake's Progress score*

*wakes up with a start from the first full night's sleep she's had since the baby was born, just before the alarm goes off*
*shuts off the alarm clock and rolls over sluggishly, wanting a few more minutes of sleep*
*suddenly remembers*
*rockets out of bed and kneels at the foot of it with her head down*
*wonders whether Ianto heard the alarm and whether she should try to wake him if he's still asleep*

*wakes up between Ianto and Jack after dozing happily between them in the aftermath of the momentous threesome*
*slips as unobtrusively as possible out of bed*

*goes downstairs and makes coffee, holding her breath as she does so as not to smell it too much*
*puts the kettle on for a tea for herself*
*brings all three drinks upstairs and sets them on the bedside table*
*slides quietly onto the foot of the bed*